CV OF FAILURE

1976: Cast as Ignorance, non-speaking part in primary school play, A Christmas Carol
1984: Gave up classical guitar Grade 5 because it was too difficult
1986: Got a C in A-level French, my favourite and strongest subject
1988: Demoted from Seconds to Thirds university football team
1989: Awarded a 2/2 degree in Architecture from Nottingham University; gave up vocational training for good
1990: Sacked from job in Sydney for scruffiness and casual attitude; nearly killed by falling beer barrel
1991: Caught mystery gastrointestinal disease in Calcutta and lost 15 kilos in weight; nearly killed by charging train of mules on narrow Himalayan bridge
1994: Fell out with best friend while staying at his house in Newcastle; never saw him again.
1995: Dumped by Spanish girlfriend in Bilbao
1996: Failed DTEFLA written exam paper and had to wait a year to retake
2003: Failed written exam for Module 2 of Masters in Development Studies (Open University) and dropped out of course
2005: Kicked out of Anglo-Korean rock band The Fireseeds in Seoul for overbearing attitude and insistence on band playing Watton originals
2009: Dropped by Birmingham University for wanting to work part-time; resigned from part-time ecocentre job.
2011: Unemployed for 3 months with no income as portfolio career ground to a standstill
2014: Busked all day in Birmingham City centre; repeatedly moved on and earned grand total of £13.
2020: Supported the union's call to strike just before the whole world went into lockdown; came back to work on 16 March, the day everybody else started working from home.